I am just so damn tired and despite the need of my body for sleep, my brain just flat out won't allow it. I've tried taking over the counter sleep meds, herbal teas, hot baths at bedtime, and alcohol. None of which works and since I worry about the dependency issue, I am not fond of the sleep meds. The other three I mentioned are fine but aren't cutting it either. I can fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion early but after 4 - 5 hrs I am up and it's only about 3 AM. This is odd for a person like me who has never battled insomnia in her life. The only period of time that I had trouble sleeping before was when I was heavily pregnant with Nick.
I know this is being caused by stress and I don't see any end to that anytime soon. My mom hasn't been doing well lately at all. Her pelvic tumors are causing her a great deal of pain and the pain medicine she is on is only helping to a certain point. I feel as if my hands are tied and it sucks badly. I am a fix it person; give me a problem and I will work my ass off to find out the best way to make it better or deal with it. Maybe that's the mom in me.. I wish to kiss boo-boos and make them better. The main problem is that this boo-boo of my moms isn't one that is going to go away and cannot be fixed with love and attention. I think that is part of my problem with this, besides the obvious fear that she is going to leave us soon.. I want to do something, anything to help and I cannot do jack shit.
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