The sweetness of that smile...

My son's face and the incredible smile that emits from it never fails to soothe me or pick me up when I'm down. I'm going to have to rely even more heavily on the joy he brings to me to help me deal with things yet again. The news we received about my mom yesterday wasn't very good. She's going to have to go through treatments yet again to battle what's grown inside her. This breaks my heart because she's already been through so much, but she has to deal with it and fight. She's a fighter by nature and will get through this. More than anything my mom will need her boy to get through this. Nick and his nana are so lucky to have each other. I feel privileged that I can just sit there and witness the love between them. This helps reaffirm my opinion that having my son was the best thing that I have ever done... I know how much just his presence has enriched the lives of my husband and myself. It makes me so happy to see how much he's touched everyone else.

Update on my mom and my little school boy..

My mom finally was given an appointment to see a specialist. She goes on Monday and I'm planning to go with her. She also has an appointment today for another CT scan. The last one they performed on her, sometime last month, showed a shadowy area near her lung. Her doctor didn't think much of it because it appeared to her to be nothing more than a shadow. But, to be on the safe side, they're doing another scan on her as I sit here typing. She'll know more about the results of that test sometime next week. Waiting really, really sucks, for lack of a better word. Monday is still 4 days away -- yuck. I may appear to be a patient person but I hide how completely impatient I am very well. People often remark how calm I am while dealing with people who clearly are patience zappingly annoying.. if they only knew what's going on inside they'd be shocked..

Nick's doing really well being back at school. He clearly enjoys it and gets so much from it. He gets into such a routine when going to school that he's often sad when Fridays roll around and he doesn't have school that day. He seems to understand the routine of the weekends - his nana cares for him on Saturdays and he spends Sundays at home hanging out with his daddy. Fridays sometimes throw him for a loop. When he starts into his new program in late August he'll be going to school on Fridays as well -- that'll make him happy. Personally I love our Fridays together. Sure, I don't get much done around here but it's our relaxing day. I work Friday evenings and Saturday and Sunday during the day so the mommy son day we get on Fridays are special to me. We usually hang out at home in the morning and then go out to lunch together and try to do something fun, like going to a park.

It looks like I'm the one who'll have some adjusting to do when he starts going on Fridays.. Nick will be fine, he always is, thankfully.

Back to school

This morning Nick started back to school. He was so cute about it as well. I made his lunch and set his backpack out on the counter while he was watching cartoons. When he saw it he smiled and jumped up and grabbed both of them in anticipation. He even wanted to hold both of them while I was helping him get dressed!

Here's my big boy (sniff..sniff)




Right now I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. I plan to rest at home for a while then go to Borders and then go treat myself to a nice, quiet lunch. That's my idea of pampering. I deserve it so I plan on taking advantage of my down time when I have it. Naturally I'm thinking of my boy and hoping that he's having a good day back at school. Three more hours and I'll be able to find out how it went.. In the meantime four words apply to me: I.have.free.time.

:)

Busy week...

This past week was a busy one for my whole family. Last Sunday we headed over to Bodega Bay to camp for a few days. When I say camping I refer to my version of it.. sleeping in a 5th wheel trailer with bathrooms and showers nearby. In my minds eye there just isn't any other acceptable way. I'm definitely not a roughin' it kinda girl. This was the first time that myself and my immediate family - husband, child, and dog - went on this type of venture without anyone else along. We had a really nice, relaxing time. We stayed there for 2 nights and had a nice campfire the last night. My son loves the texture of sand so he had a wonderful time just hanging out in the sand at the beach.

Here's the boy just chillin' in the chilly ass weather. It didn't get any higher than the mid 60's while we were there...



The big hole my boys dug..






The week started out so nice and peaceful with our little get away. We came back Tuesday afternoon and settled back into the routines we have. Wednesday my son had the first of two assessments with his new in-home therapy company. They'll work with us on teaching him daily living skills that will give him more independence and boost his confidence and will provide more support for Nick as well as the rest of our family. The type of therapy that he'll be receiving, ABA (applied behavior analysis), is the only proven method for tackling the many behavior problems associated with kids on the spectrum. His school addresses them in that setting and the in-home helps build on what's learned at school as well as supporting the parents in helping to keep the methods consistent. The lady who came to work with him was very nice and Nick really seemed to like her. She'll function as the boss of the team that will assigned to Nick and will do some one-on-one with him as well. The amount of hours that they will be working with him will depend on his school schedule. When Nick goes back to school on Monday he'll continue with his present teacher and will then transition into a different school setting that hopefully will allow him to receive the help he needs. I'm very anxious to know more about the new type of class setting. Since it's July and most of the district is still on break I'll have to wait until sometime next week to sit down with the person in charge of supervising the special ed department. She'll give me a better idea of what's in store for Nick. I don't anticipate many hours of the therapy in the home setting, but I know how every little bit helps. That's why I fought to get it for him.

Also on Wednesday my mom had a doctor's appointment. Last year she battled bladder cancer and came through like the fighter she is. She handled chemotherapy and the recovery following her surgery so well it amazed me and gave me a new found respect for her strength. She just recently found another lump and will have to have that biopsied sometime in the next week or so. She admitted to me that she does believe that it is cancer. I so hope she's wrong. She's been through so much already.. it seems cruel to me that she could potentially have to battle it again so soon. Battle it she will, I know that. She's as madly in love with my son as my husband and I are - there's no way she'll give up and lie down and take this. She's determined to stick around to see her boo-boo, as she calls Nick, grow up. She also has a new grandchild coming in February when my brother's wife is scheduled to give birth to their first child.

The best thing that happened this past week was that I finally made some money doing what I've been trying to do for a while. Last October I got my certification to work as a loan officer. I'm dying to try something new and since working with home loans has a great amount of time flexibility as well as the potential ability to make more money than my present job, I decided to try it. The money I made working on this loan means so much to me. Not only do we need it financially, I needed it personally. It gave me a nice sense of accomplishment that's been lacking in me for a long time. I had always worked pretty much full-time since Nick was about a year old. During his first year I stayed home as much as possible, working about as much as I do now. I had to seriously modify my schedule when he first started having therapy in the home. I worked around the therapy as much as I could, but the amount of hours were no where near to what I worked before. Hopefully this will enable me to be able to do both -- be there for my child and contribute.

11 days and counting..

Just over a week and a half until Nick goes back to school. I know he misses it and frankly, so do I. He thrives on the routine of it and I enjoy the solace when he's at school getting the help and attention he needs. Please don't get me wrong - I LOVE my child more than anything and get so much joy in being with him. I'm just one of those people who needs some alone time. I find that down-time sustains me and refreshes me, allowing me to better focus on the people in my life. This is the main reason that I couldn't be a full-time stay-at-home mom. My hat's off to the people who enjoy being with their children 24/7. That is truly the hardest job in the world, bar none.


My son is off school until next Monday because of the track system his school is on. This break has been much easier for both of us to handle than the one that he had in April. He was much more restless being home during that one for some reason. I think it was because it was the first real break from all therapies he's had since April 2005 when they began. He started in-home therapy in October '05 and that continued through the end of January this year. The in-home therapy was an arduous process for our whole family. It was hard to have someone come into your house day after day to work with your child. It was made harder because of the fact that the hierarchy of the company that worked with Nick was made up with some women who were less than nice... that's as diplomatic as I'm going to get in describing those people. Nick did thrive in that environment for a time and made progress but it was a relief to see it come to an end so we could have a life again. School was a blessing for all of us. It gave Nick the opportunity to be around kids his own age who have similar developmental issues and learn in a structured setting. In addition, mama had some free time to relax. See why I'm counting the days until he goes back??

Nick was supposed to be assessed by a new in-home therapy provider this week but the lady wasn't able to come out because her child was ill. I'm looking forward to Nick getting home therapy again because I think every little bit does help. The amount of hours they'll be here won't be as much as the previous company because they will have to work about Nick's 20 hour school week. Plus, I know a therapist who works for the new company and she assured me that this one respects the views of the parents and actually listens to them when they have something to say. The good thing about having such an unpleasant experience with the previous group of people is that I'll know, going into the situation, what's appropriate and what's not. I won't feel the need to keep my mouth shut if stepped on like before. I only let things go on as long as they did because the therapists working with Nick were awesome. It wasn't their fault the company they worked for had boundary issues with the parents of the children in their care. I now know 2 important things: there are better companies out there and most importantly, Nick does well with change. If I had known those things our involvement with the old company would've been a much shorter one, that's for sure.

I wish I enjoyed it as much as he does

My child is a bolter.. He thoroughly enjoys running off when taken in public. It doesn't happen often, thank God, but it's a habit of his that drives me crazy. It appears that he sees it as fun game of cat and mouse. He'll run off and look back in my direction with a challenging look in his eyes, as if to say "C'mon mama.. try and catch me". He's done it with an increasing frequency lately and it never ceases to freak me out. First off, it's scary as hell to see your child dart across the street or run off into a field, as he did a couple of days ago. Secondly, and of a much lesser importance, it's embarrassing. I feel like a fool for letting him get away and an even bigger one when I fall down trying to catch up with him. That's only happened once or twice but it gives him an edge by allowing him to get further away from me and that's never a good thing.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to take drastic measures to try to nip this in the bud. I'm going to buy one of those harnesses to keep him where he needs to be -- wherever the hell I am. I did buy one when he was younger but never really used it. I gave it away because it went unused and someone I knew needed one. I had some misgivings about using one in the first place because there are stigmas associated with leashing your child. I've heard it likened to treating your child like he or she is a dog. But I'm sure that the ease of keeping him reigned in with one of those devises will outweigh the feelings of worrying how it looks to passers by. Besides.. what's more important, keeping my son with me where he belongs by whatever means possible or worrying what strangers think of me for leashing my child?? That's a no-brainer if I ever heard of one..