Six months later..

Today was the sixth month anniversary of my mom's passing. It honestly doesn't seem possible that a half year has gone by. There are days when it only seems like yesterday and others where it seems like a year or two since she was here. I do know she's better off - at least from the last days when she subsided on morphine and the sips of water she was able to withstand. Are the people who love her better off? Well, that is a totally different answer but since we weren't the ones suffering like that I don't think that matters all the much. Speaking only for myself I'd say that I am coping as best as I can and trying to focus on how to live the rest of my life without the one person who was always there. Not an easy task but it can be done and has to be. I've always heard that death is inevitable in the cycle of life and while that is very cliche, it's also quite true. If I let myself think about how unfair what she had to go through was I'd most likely not be able to appreciate how fortunate she was that she actually lived longer than what was expected of her. Her last year was one with many adventures; she knew what was coming and tried, and did, cram alot in that short time span. She went to visit her closest friends in Mexico, went over to coast to go camping, and drove to visit her brother and his family in Texas. That last trip, only two months before she died, was the hardest one on her body and she never really bounced back from that. She never regretted going and saying goodbye to her family there and I am so glad she made that jaunt.

When I think of my mom I think of someone who was so fiesty that it's hard to believe that something ever took her down. Those who know her and are reading this are most likely nodding their heads in agreement. She was a pistol - plain and simple. Tolerating people she didn't like was not her strong suit.. she'd to it in situations where she had to but you always knew that doing so wasn't organic to who she was. I once overheard a co-worker of hers describe her as someone who either loved you or told you to screw (and that was NOT his word) off.. there were very few happy mediums with my mom. She was definitely a person who called it like she saw it and hated pretense. She had friends from all walks of life and was someone who definetely valued them. Many of her friendships spanned decades and she was loyal to a fault to those who endeared themselves to her. I still keep in contact with some of the people who she brought joy to and it warms me to get together with them and talk about her. Yes, it can make me sad but when I see how many people she touched by just being who she was it makes me proud she was my mom.

The biggest part of her was her heart and there was never a person who touched that more than my son, no doubt about it. She loved my brother and I but with parenting came a long, hard and often alone struggle. Being my son's nana was simply a joyous thing for her. Despite having worked all week long she eagerly awaited the Saturdays that she would watch him while I worked. She took great joy in eveything he did and was simply his number one fan. When we discovered his disability her response was simple - she wanted to know how we could make his life better and what can be done for him. There was never a moment of self-pity that her beloved boy was afflicted with this; she knew he was special, she said, and this proved it. She truly believed he'd rise to the challenge and overcome all the obstacles. I appreciated that so much and knew that she would be there for him all the way and she'd revel in his accomplishments one day. Now she has to do it from afar but I know she is watching him.

All this talk of her and the special bond she has with her boy makes me want to share some great pics I have of them.

This picture was taken when we was only about 3 weeks old. I love how happy she looks here.



I always looking at the way my mom looked at her Nick. Such love and adoration



My mom had pictures taken of her and Nick to send out in her Christmas cards the year the boy was born. I love the contrast here between how tan she was - and this was December, mind you - and how white Nick is. Yep, he is my kid.





This one was taken at Nick's second birthday party. I love how cute he looks feeding her a potato chip.



This isn't a picture of her and her boy but it is one that totally captures the spirit of my mom. She was totally a product of the 60's. This pic really makes me smile because it was just so.. her.