My mom was one of those very lucky people who was able to cultivate many long-lasting friendships. Her oldest and dearest friends were a couple whose daughter is my age. The girl and I didn't stay friends but her parents and my mom were able to stay close until my mom died. One of the saddest tasks that I had the afternoon she died was to call them and let them she had passed. Many calls were made for me but calling them was the one I chose to tackle. The moment Laura answered the phone she knew why I had called. She was expecting this, as we all were, but was nevertheless shaken by the news. I don't remember much of that conversation but do recall both of us laughing, crying, and trying to comfort each other. Laura and her husband Greg were just two of the people whose lives were touched by my mom. Another such person was her friend Michelle. They knew each other for a slightly shorter length of time but had a bond that was a wonderful thing to see. For nearly a quarter of a century my mom and Michelle together went through all that life threw in their direction. My mom was there when both of Michelle's daughters were born, as well as one of her granddaughters. They worked together, played along side each other, and had an uncanny ability to finish each others sentences. Michelle was right there with my mom throughout her illness and took her to all of the appointments that I was unable to take her to. She was also the person who was with her when she passed on. On the Saturday prior to my mom's passing Michelle began to feel ill so she stayed away for a few days. She felt well enough on Wednesday to come over and visit. I had been there all morning long, only leaving for a short while to visit a friend who was leaving town. When I knew my mom was in good hands with her closest friend I decided to go home for a while to see my boy. It was when I went home that she passed away. Her friend was meant to be there to witness that, not me. I had told her when I left that afternoon that I was OK with her leaving and that I only wanted her to be at peace. I had begun to say that to her each time I went home over the previous four days. I didn't think she was waiting for my permission or anything, but I did think it was important to let her know I was ready to let her go.

I think it's such a beautiful tribute to the friendship that my mom and Michelle had that she chose to leave while her friend was at her side. Some may argue that we don't chose that but I disagree. They experienced all the cycles of life together prior to my mom's passing and with her being there for that they truly did go full circle together. I don't see Michelle very often anymore but I do feel like I am experiencing a bit of my mom still being here with me when I am around her. Even hugging her feels like a hug from my mom.. that warm, enveloping feeling that only a mom can give to her child.

Today is the nine month anniversary of her passing. The pain is still there on a daily basis as is the feeling that something very vital is missing from my life. I sometimes wish I was one of those people for whom the passing of a parent was a fairly easy thing but I think it's a tribute to how close we were that it has not been an easy transition. I do my best not to dwell on my sadness, I really do, but on each monthly anniversary of her leaving it feels like the wound opens up just a little. I'm really dreading the year anniversary in three months. I know she wouldn't want me to dwell on her death but celebrate her life instead. I am hoping that will become easier in the years to come. The old adage about time being the best healer is true but it is so slow. William Shakespeare said that grief makes one hour ten and that is something I can definitely relate to. I don't expect to ever be completely free of sadness regarding her passing, but I do hope that when I come to point of acceptance - the final stage of grief - it will become more real to me and going on will be easier. Time not only heals but it will tell, I suppose.