The things that made my mom happy...

I have decided to use some of the pictures I have to help tell stories about my mom. Part of this is because I really love talking about her to both people who knew her and some who never had that opportunity. Another reason is that I believe this will be cathartic for me.

Here are some things that always brought a smile to her face:

Naturally I will start with her beloved Nick. This was her absolute favorite picture of my boy. The expression on his face was just priceless, in her opinion. He was six weeks old and we had photographers come out to the house to take pictures. They interrupted his feeding time and he was seriously annoyed.. the look on his face definitely shows that!



My mom's passing robbed my nephew Christian of the chance to get to know her as my son did. That was a way of history repeating itself in our family as the same thing happened to my younger brother. He was only a month when our grandfather passed away. I was the fortunate one who got nearly 7 years of love and attention from the wonderful man. My mom kept her dad alive with stories and pictures of him to share with my brother. I know that Christian's daddy will do the same and so will his Auntie. This boy made my mom so happy and this picture shows it.



Next to her children and grandsons what brought my mom the most joy in life were her friends. She had many of them whose friendships with her lasted decades. Two of her oldest and dearest friends retired to Mexico back in 2004. My mom visited them four times, including a two week visit this past May, and loved it there. I'm not sure on which visit these pictures were taken but she looks amazing. Tan, healthy, and young.






My mom loved this bird so much. Bogey was his name and she adored every squawking moment of that birds existence. He passed away in the summer of 2006 during my mom's first battle with cancer. She was devastated and still talked about him until she passed away. I think this is a great picture and shows just how much she and her beloved cockatiel connected.




This was the prettiest corner of her beloved backyard. My mom loved this yard so much and put in many hours caring for it. She spent alot of time back there after she took a medical retirement and it was calming for her. There were many mornings that I would call her after Nick got off to school where she'd be outside "playing in the water", as she called it. She was always proud to show off all her hard work so I know she's smiling at me showing it here.



One of the things about my mom that resonates from looking at pictures of her favorite things in life is how she valued the simple and most important things; love, beauty, friendship, and family. She didn't care if you took her to a fancy restaurant, she cared about the company. She valued sincerity more than anything and took no guff from just about anyone. She spoke her mind and stood up for herself and anyone she loved with the fervor of a mama lion. I grew up thinking that we didn't have much in common but as I aged I began to see many similarities between us. I hope so because it's an honor to continue those patterns of behavior and to value what's most important as she did.

Nana's celebration of life

We had my mom's memorial on Friday, January 9th. That date was chosen because it was also her birthday.. she would have turned 56 that day. The gathering was exactly as she would have wanted it.. very low-key, informal, and filled with people having a nice time. I really did feel as if she was there with us that day. I made sure her wishes were kept; there was nothing formal or religious about the gathering. My mom wasn't an atheist by any means, she just didn't think a person needed organized religion in their lives and preferred to have a quieter walk with God. She had faith, I believe, but it was something she rarely spoke of. I think she was happy that everyone that cared about her respected her wishes as we did. I know I was.

Here are some pictures from that night:

My mom loved the theatre and for a while volunteered at the Old Eagle Theatre in Old Sacramento. These shirts were very special to her and were a reminder of how much fun she had with her friends while working there.



My mom loved this bag filled with pictures of her boo-boo, as she called my Nick



These beautiful flowers sat on a table with framed pics of my mom and son together, including ones of the night he was born.



My mother-in-law put together this beautiful picture board from the many pictures I gathered. The birthdate was incorrect but the board turned out wonderful. Thank you so much for that, Collette.



My brother Rich and I. I know our mom smiled when she saw us pose like this.


My sweet nephew Christian and I. He gave me a big, wet smooch right after this pic was taken. He is precious and I hope to help him grow up knowing just what a fabulous Nana he had.

What my mom wanted, part one

We set her free on New Year's Eve, three weeks after she passed on. Knowing my mom as well as I did, I'd have to say she was more than ready to be released at that point. She never did like confines of any kind. A portion of her ashes are still with me waiting to be taken to Mexico where her closest friends will scatter them. It will make her happy to be there, she loved visiting her friends there and now she'll always be there with them.

There is a comical story surrounding the scattering of her ashes, or in this case I'd have to call it the dumping over of them. Her best friends oldest daughter was the first person who took the ashes out of the bag and walked towards the surf. She made the mistake of turning her back on the waves and when she did a large wave come upon her, knocking her over. When she got back up, covered in that cold sea water, the bag of ashes fell over. Now, like I said, I know my mom.. she totally had a hand in that.. she was never one to be completely solemn in any situation and she most likely was impatient to be out of that bag at that point. Poor Melissa was the one who had to pay the price, being drenched in the process, but the end result was that she was free. My mom most likely knew that if I had to touch her ashes and dispense of them I would be an emotional mess. This way it was quick and easy and she was out of that confine.

It took me about 2 seconds to get over my initial sadness at how that happened. After that I just had to laugh. What else can you do at that point? She was laughing, I know. One thing about my mom was she really did have a wicked sense of humor and she may have felt badly for poor Melissa but would've laughed all the same. What happened really broke up the tension of the day and helped me feel as if my mom was truly there with us on that day's journey. The weather was chilly and the air was filled with mist but it was a beautiful day and going over to the coast and doing this for my mom was the only way I thought would be fitting to end the year.

After this episode was over with I kept walking down to the spot where her ashes fell out of the bag and talking to her. I told her how much we missed her but understand she is better off now and how we all love her. I asked her if she was now happy.. obviously I didn't expect an answer but I felt as if she was telling me one with the calmness and peace that I felt there.

The mist in the air had an adverse effect on my camera, making taking pictures there difficult. I managed to get this one of her urn sitting on the sand before her ashes were taken out of it.



I feel completely drawn to that beach where she was placed and cannot wait to get back there again. Luckily before we had the ashes mishap we took some of them out of the bag and set them aside to be sent down to her friends that live in Mexico. I will have the remaining bit of her until sometime next month when they'll be transported down there by a friend that lives here who'll be visiting down there. She is back on my fireplace mantle, next to the ashes of my sweet Gizmo. I think sending her ashes along their way will be difficult but I know I will still feel her. I always do and won't let myself forget just how good that feels.

I hope you're happy, Mom. Love you very, very much.