He's back with us

It's been eleven days since we put Gizmo down and each day does get a little easier. We received his ashes back on Saturday and a certificate saying that he was cremated on the Monday following his passing. Picking his remains was bittersweet.. on one hand I was glad to have him back with us where he belongs and on another it made his passing seem even more real to me. Knowing that I was holding, in a box, what remained of someone who was so dear to me for so many years moved me. Giz really was my first baby. If I hadn't found him and had the joy of being his mama I most likely would've had a child long before I did have mine. Giz was 10 when Nick was born and for all those years preceding my child's birth he really did have me wrapped around his paw.. and boy did he know it. He has us very well trained - his dinner time was 8:00 sharp and I mean sharp. He had some kind of internal clock that alerted him of that time and when it came he'd let us know with a whine or he'd start running up and down the hallway to garner our attention. Yup, he was a funny little man and we all miss him.

His ashes were placed in a plain, but pretty wooden urn in the shape of a brick. I'm planning on having a plaque made with his name and attaching it to the box. I've found myself carrying his box around when I need to feel him with me. Right now he's resting in the kitchen, his other favorite hangout spot in our house. The times of day that I feel his absence most are early in the morning when I always let him out and his dinnertime. Those times are when I've found myself stroking the box and talking to him. He knows we all miss him and I know he's aware of how his absence has effected us. It still soothes me to remind him.

What a sweetheart he was..

I'll close with one of my favorite recent pictures of my boy. This was taken this past spring.. he was looking pretty good for a 15 year old doggie, wasn't he??

The time came..

In my last post I spoke of my dog, Gizmo.. we put him to sleep last night. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do but it doesn't make it any easier, or at least not yet. He'd been going downhill pretty fast for the past week and yesterday was his worst day yet. I couldn't bear to see him suffer so I felt it was my obligation to him to put him out of his misery. I know what we did was right but it doesn't take away the gut-wrenching sadness that I've been feeling since leaving the vet's office last night. His passing was so peaceful and I'm so grateful that I was there to see it. He merely relaxed and was quickly at peace. It tore my heart to hear the doctor tell me, after checking him for vital signs, that he'd passed but at the same time I felt an extreme sense of relief knowing that he was no longer suffering.

Since putting him down last night I've been struggling with the plan to only be grateful for having him for so long. I'm sure that once this initial sadness wanes that'll be easier. I'll never stop loving him or feeling such gratitude that I had the privilege of being his mama for so long. We're having him cremated and will be receiving his ashes in a week or so. I suspect that's when I'll feel some comfort - when he's returned to us. His favorite spot in our house was in the bigger closet in our bedroom. I plan to put his ashes on the shelf in there so he'll be in his preferred spot. It's the least I can do after all he's done for us. Thank God for that dog.. that's all I can say. How lucky were we??

RIP Gizmo
March 15, 1992 - September 7, 2007