One of the best days of my mom's life..

My mom lived for the joy my son brought to her, no doubt about that. She had hoped for years to become a grandparent and finally got her wish with the birth of my little boy in August 2002. I found out about my pregnancy in late November 2001 and kept it a secret from my mom and just about everyone else until Christmas. Not telling my mom was very difficult for me but I knew she'd love my little holiday surprise so I kept it under wraps for nearly a month. She later told me it was her best Christmas present ever. I thought alot about that Christmas this year and couldn't help comparing how wonderful the holiday of that year was compared to the bleak one we all experienced this year. She was so excited and elated that she must have called at least ten of her closest friends from my house to tell them about the news. All evening long she kept coming up to me and touching my belly and hugging me, thanking me for this gift. That memory always makes me smile.

My mom was a huge part of my pregnancy and was always calling me to make sure I was taking care of myself, eating right, and getting enough rest. She counted down the weeks on a calendar and kept track of all my medical appointments, calling me from work on my cell phone sometimes even before I left the doctor's office. She went with me to help pick out gifts for my baby registry and was the person who spoiled both my son and I the most at my shower. She never really had much money in life but spent freely making sure her first grandchild had everything and even insisted on buying his crib. To say she was over the moon at the prospect of being a Nana is an understatement. She couldn't have been happier to be at the hospital the night he came into our lives and was on cloud nine the moment she saw his sweet face.

These pictures show the love she had for him at first sight..



My child was born with the reddest, most beautiful lips known to man. Now, naturally I am biased, but look at those.. my mom always said that the angels kissed him before they sent him to us. I love that thought.



My mom always loved this picture of Nick and I. I like it too because of how happy I look and I was. Happiness radiated from me for two important reasons: my healthy, beautiful boy was born, and I was heavily drugged. Being numb from the waist down following childbirth was a damn good thing, in my opinion.



I am so glad to have these pictures and the memories to help show Nick how much he was wanted and loved by all of us, especially her. Death is a hard concept for a typically developed child of six to grasp and with his disability its an even harder one to comprehend. I had prepared him for it as best as I could and tried to explain to him the night she passed how she was no longer in pain and was his angel now. I know he understands she is gone but believe the finality of it alludes him. I wish I could help him understand that better but since I am having a hard time dealing with and accepting that on my own, I think that is something we'll have to endure together.